A FEW ONE LINERS
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Quantum Mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria - they 're the only culture some people have.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you will have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried.
Change is inevitable......except from vending machines.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Half the people you know are below average.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists, they never expect to get it back.
If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
(Submitted by my friend Robert Kennedy from Free Dirt).